July 22, 2008

  • Living in Hypocrisy

    I'm having massive difficulties balancing being a normal American and being a normal Bengali.

    There are all these ideals and goals that I grew up knowing as being the acceptable path that a good Bengali daughter should follow of going to school, getting great grades, getting a high paying job, and marrying someone all before I'm 30.

    Then there's this desire to just do what I love best. Let the grades come in, but work in a career that makes me happy to wake up in the morning, and to marry when I am good and ready. Not to worry about how much I'm getting paid as long as I can survive. Not worrying that someone will judge me for the way I dress. Not having to worry about whether or not I get married after a year or two or a decade into a relationship ... or even worrying about how many guys I end up dating before I find the one.

    I'm torn between family and my own life.

    I can't help feel confused between marrying for security or for love.

    I can't decide if it's better to be rich but unhappy or doing what I love but just getting by.